The farmer goes to the market and buys a chainsaw.
At home, he reads in the manual that he can cut 100 trees/day. The next day he gets up at 6, goes to the forest and starts to cut trees, cut… cut trees until 22:00. He counts the trees, 89. He gets up on the 3rd day at 5, goes to the forest and starts cutting trees until about 11:00 p.m., he would count them, 95. Angry, he goes to the store:
“Sir, this chainsaw is not good, the manual says that it cuts 100 trees, but I only cut 95, it’s broken.”
The seller takes the chainsaw and tries to turn it on, to which the farmer:
“Aaaah, it has a motor!”
Tourist to the farmer: “What is the road to the local hospital?”
Farmer: “See that turn in the road? Ok, you go forward!”
In a lab, the doctor to his assistant:
“Give me that brown bottle, it has the label hydroxychloroquine.”
“It’s empty, sir.”
“God! The students drank my brandy again.”
“What is better to be? A human doctor or a veterinarian?”
“A veterinarian, have you ever seen a hypochondriac cat?”
“I don’t know what to do, doctor. My marriage has reached an impasse.”
“How so?”
“Well, my wife can’t stand me when I’m drunk, and I can’t stand her when I’m sober.”
In the waiting room of a private practice, a patient confesses to another patient:
“When I don’t feel well, I go to the doctor, because he has to live too. Then, I buy pills from the pharmacist, because he also has to live. Then I get home and throw them away, because I have to live too.”
“Would you like dinner, sir?”
“What are my choices?”
“Yes or No.”