“How much do you love me? From 1 to 20?
“My dear, from 1 to 10 I love you very much. But know that from 11 onward I will be with the boys, in the pub, there’s a football match!”
“I was blind, deaf and crazy when I married you!”
“Do you see how many diseases I cured you of?”
Golf lessons can really help. After just two lessons I was consistently getting an additional 25 to 30 yards when throwing the club after flubbing the shot.
Two girlfriends:
“Do you have a lover?”
“No.”
“How is it possible, you are so sexy!”
“My husband won’t allow it.”
I asked 100 women what they think about their ex. I learned 50 swear words, 40 new animal names and the names of 10 cemeteries.
After a bear attack:
“How did you know the bear will attack?”
“He was looking straight at me, exactly like my wife!”
Husband: “Your mother told me to go to h*ll!”
Wife: “You don’t go anywhere. Today you cut the grass.”
Kid: “Dad, where are the Rockies?”
Father: “Ask your mother, she moves the things around all the time!”
Newlyweds:
“Why do you cry, my love?”
“I cooked for the first time in my life and you gave the food to the dog!”
“Don’t cry, love, we’ll get another dog soon!”
“Why you don’t eat my meatballs? You don’t like them?”
“I do, but everyone else in the theater has popcorn!”