I was called into my manager’s office today:
“This has to stop. You can’t wear pajamas in the workplace!”
“But everyone else does …”
“They are PATIENTS!”
Two friends are talking:
“I kept a fruit diet but I gained 2 pounds!”
“Really? What kind of fruit?”
“Mostly cherries and apples.”
“But these are not in season, where did you find them?”
“In cakes!”
Question: Why is divorce so expensive?
Answer: Because it’s worth it!
“Why did you climb the tree?”
“To eat cherries.”
“But this is not a cherry tree ?!?”
“I brought with me.”
On the train, passengers to the farmer:
“Roll up the window, because it’s very cold outside.”
The farmer pulls up the window:
“Ok, is it warmer outside now?”
“Honey, I’m going to the gym, want to come?”
“What, you want to say I am fat ?!”
“Ok, you don’t want to go, don’t go.”
“Aha, now you say I am lazy too!”
“Calm down, I did not imply anything.”
“Ok, now I am crazy too?”
“I did not say that.”
“What, I am also a liar??”
“Ok fine, I got it. You don’t want to go.”
“Wait a moment, why do you want to go alone??”
Priorities: a heavy smoker goes to buy cigarettes and sees the warning on the pack “Smoking causes impotence”. He goes to the clerk:
“Excuse me, do you still have those that only cause cancer?”
Two girlfriends:
“Oh, you lost a lot of weight!”
“Yeah, I know, I argue all the time with my husband.”
“And why don’t you get a divorce?”
“I still need to lose 10 pounds.”