“When are we going to go out, to a movie, to a restaurant?”
“I am sorry, I don’t go out with a married women.”
“But I am your wife !?!?!”
“No exceptions!”
I no longer dislike Mondays. I am more mature now. I dislike the whole Monday to Friday.
The stuntman to the actor:
“Starting today, I will do all your dangerous scenes. You won’t need to put yourself in danger anymore.”
“Ok then, start by going to my home and telling my wife I won’t be home tonight.”
“My wife takes karate lessons. We learn together.”
“You take karate classes too?”
“No. I learned to cook, wash dishes, clean the house and washing clothes is reserved for relaxation.”
“Your health is excellent”, says the doctor to the patient.
“It means I worried for nothing”, says the patient.
“Not really for nothing”, says the doctor. “The bill is $300”.
A man shouts frantically into the phone “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” asks the doctor.
“No!” he shouts, “this is her husband!”.
April Fool’s day does not mean anything anymore. People lie to you everyday now.
Wife: “What are those lipstick marks!?!?!”
Husband: “No, I was in an accident, it’s blood.”
Wife: “Lucky you!”
I read that you can make salmon with white wine. I tried. After 6 glasses I started to talk to the fish.
“I would do anything for us. I would walk through fire, cross the seven seas, just to come to you.”
“Oh! Let’s go for a walk!”
“No, it’s raining…”