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Jokes for Your Sewing Breaks

A guy was walking quietly, when suddenly he saw a moving car without a driver.
Aware of the danger, he jumps in and pulls the handbrake. When he goes out, he bumps into the owner.
“It was moving on her own, but I jumped in and pulled the handbrake!”
“I know”, the owner answers dryly. “I was pushing!”

Two friends were talking:
“How is it to be married?”
“Super cool, I feel like I’m in high school again.”
“You mean?”
“I smoke in the toilet, drink secretly…”

What present did you get for Christmas?
“A fruit and vegetable juicer.”
“And is it going well?”
“Yes… it works… except that after the holidays, we will have to paint the kitchen.”

And finally, a few good quotes, one from Jay Leno and another from David Letterman (for readers who don’t know, they are well-known TV hosts):
“According to a new UN report, the global warming outlook is much worse than originally predicted. Which is pretty bad, when they originally predicted it would destroy the planet.”
“People say New Yorkers can’t get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.”

My husband told me men are better at multitasking than women. I told him to sit down and shut up, and he could not do either.

Attention Shoppers: Dress for the body you have, not the body you want!

She: After marriage, we will share everything, good and bad, right?
He: Nothing bad in my life, my love!
She: I said “after”!

A guy dressed in a pair of dirty overalls walks into a luxury restaurant.
“I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t come in here dressed like that…”
“Seriously!? Then fix your heating yourself!”

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