Police: “You didn’t see the red light?”
Driver: “I saw.”
Police: “Then why didn’t you stop?”
Driver: “I didn’t see you.”
“Hello, Association for the Protection of Animals? You need to send someone asap to rescue an animal in distress.”
“But what happened, dear lady?”
“The postman climbed a tree in my yard and is shouting at my dog…”
I bought myself the best guard dog. For three days I have been struggling to enter the yard.
“This singer has extraordinary courage… A few years ago she sang in a cage with lions…”
“And now she doesn’t sing anymore?”
“No, because the people from the Association for the Protection of Animals are against it…”
There are two methods a man can use to win an argument with his wife. Neither works.
Every woman needs a husband, because every day hundreds of things go wrong and you can’t blame fate and the government all the time!
“I want to live forever. What to do?”
“Get married.”
“And then? Will I live forever?”
“No, but you will lose the desire.”
A little boy, at a wedding, looks at his mother and asks her:
“Mommy, mommy, why is the girl wearing white?”
“Because it’s the happiest day of her life!”
The little boy sits and thinks about this, then asks:
“But then, why is the boy wearing black?”
A tourist talks to a farmer:
“Is this dog for sale?”
“For sale…”
“Is he a purebred?”
“Pure…”
“Does he have a family tree?”
“He doesn’t need… he uses any tree…”