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Jokes for Your Sewing Breaks

Two friends in a bar:
“I’ve found marriage to be very educational.”
“How so?”
“For example, I had no idea there was a wrong way to put milk in the fridge.”

An artist exhibits his work for the first time, and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the artist, “Would you like to hear my opinion of your work?”
“Yes,” the artist replies.
“It’s worthless,” the critic says.
“I know,” the artist replies, “but let’s hear it anyway.”

I decided to take an aerobics class. I bent, twisted, gyrated and jumped up and down for an hour.
But, by the time I got my leotard on, the class was over.

Two guys in a bar:
“You know, you can’t find happiness at the bottom of the beer.”
“Of course not, who’s happy when their beer runs out?”

The husband comes home in the evening, tired and nervous. His wife jumps happily into his arms:
“My dear, I’m pregnant!”
“You too?!”

“I want to go to Paris, to buy perfume, a purse and shoes.”
“But you can also buy all of these right here!”
“Thanks, that’s all I wanted to hear!”

Gas shortages last winter:
“Hello, they say on TV that it’s -15°C in your place. How are you holding up there?”
“No! Look, my thermometer reads 10°C.”
“Well, why would the weather forecasters say it’s -15?”
“Oh, maybe outside…”

“I don’t know what to buy for my daughter’s birthday.”
“Why don’t you ask her what she wants?”
“Are you crazy? I don’t have that much money.”

Man cooking:
“Recipe says ‘add leftover wine’. I wonder what is that, ‘leftover wine’”.

Two business owners are talking:
“How come your employees are all coming so early? Mine are always late”
“I have 20 employees and 15 parking spaces”

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