Q: When everyone has a mobile device, why would you get a landline? A: To call the mobile when you lost it in the house.
Rumor is that in Ukraine in front of a factory there is a large sign: “We will never work for the American imperialists. We will only work for our Russian friends”. It is a coffin factory.
A young fellow just coming of adulthood age asks a famous philosopher: “Wise one, should I marry?”
The philosopher looks him into the eyes: “Do as you wish!”
“I know I may now do as I wish – that’s why I came – I just want your advice on what I should do”
“Well, do as you wish, in ten years you’ll be sorry no matter what you do!”
I tried the Japanese method of decluttering where you hold the object in your hand and if it does not bring you happiness you throw it away. So far I have thrown out all vegetables, the electric bill, the scale, a mirror and my mother in law’s picture.
Wife: I can’t sleep?
Husband: Perhaps you got something?
Wife: I did. Cake in the fridge.
Interview for a job:
“Your resume is missing a whole year, 2020. What did you do in 2020?”
“I washed my hands.”
Wife: “I didn’t know you are so poor, or I would never have married you!”
Husband: “I told you; you are the most precious thing in my life, but did you listen?”
Doctor to the patient:
“I hope I am going to cure you, but if not, my father will help for sure!”
“Is your father an MD too?”
“No, he’s a priest.”