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Laugh Out Loud Jokes

Parenthood is a journey except it’s just traveling from room to room putting away the same toys all day long.

Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.

Optimists: The glass is half full.
Pessimists: The glass is half empty.
Cat owners: The glass is knocked over.

Cats are more like “Hey, what are you up to? Never mind — I just remembered I don’t care.”

Remember, you don’t OWN a cat.
You know a cat.

What does it mean to be a diplomat? To think twice before speaking then when you speak to say absolutely nothing.

“I am dreaming to become a millionaire, same as my father.”
“Is your father a millionaire?”
“No, he is also dreaming.”

“My mother does not allow me to bring the dog inside”. “What about your father?” “He is allowed sometimes”.

Two friends: “I have a dog who feels me coming home from one mile; what do you think about that?” “I think you should take showers more often”

“What is your most precious memory from your childhood?”
“No bills.”

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