The wife talks to her husband:
“What do you want for Christmas?”
“Nothing really, just your love!”
“Too late, I already got socks.”
If a man is quiet, it means he is a thinker.
If a woman is quiet, it means the thinker is in trouble.
Men think that a woman dreams about finding her ideal partner. That is incorrect. All women dream about never getting fat.
A kid asks his father:
“Why did you and mom get married?”
The man turns to his wife and says:
“See, even the kid can’t understand why!”
“How did the argument between you and your wife end yesterday?”
“She came to me on her knees!”
“And what did she say?”
“Get out from under the bed!”
A kid is outside crying. Someone asks:
“Why are you crying?”
“Because my brother hit his hand with a hammer.”
“If he hit his hand, why do you cry?”
“Because in the beginning I was laughing.”
Definition of a “pullover” as understood by teenagers: something you put on when the mother is cold.
Two friends exchange recipes for cake:
“8 spoons flour, 8 spoons sugar, 8 spoons …”
“Forget about it, I don’t have that many spoons!”