“Good evening! I am with Verizon Wireless (cellular phones). Would you like to change your company?”
“Sure!”
“Who are you with now?”
“My husband and my mother-in-law.”
Practical advice: if all toilets in your home are occupied and you really need to go, switch off the WiFi!
Archimedes’ principle: the upward force that is exerted on a body immersed in a fluid is equal to the weight of the fluid that the body displaces.
Archimedes’ wife principle: you better wash the tub after using it.
For most of human history, vehicles had automatic collision avoidance and could even take you home when you were sleeping or drunk.
And then we got rid of the horse.
A man asks the trainer in a gym:
“I would like to impress my girlfriend, which machine should I use the most?”
“The bank machine”, comes the answer.
John drives his girlfriend to the airport and at some point, there is a huge billboard with a bikini-clad girl holding a can of beer.
“They think if I drink beer, I would look like her”, sneers the girlfriend.
“No”, says John. “But if I drink enough beer, you will look like her to me”.
A homeowner talks to the mailman: “Excuse me, I am waiting for a package.”
“No problem, you can wait as long as you wish”.
Doctor’s office. Mother to the doctor:
“Doctor, you forgot that my son has his mouth open for the last 3 minutes?”
“No, I did not, but I wanted to write the prescription in peace”
In the hospital, a nurse wakes the sleeping patient up: “Wake up, you forgot to take your sleeping pill”