The wife talks to the husband:
“Going to the pub again? We have to pay the rent next week!”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be back by then!”
How to lower your blood pressure: relax, sit in a comfortable chair in front of the TV. Make sure the TV is off.
Paradox: The female eye can easily spot from 20 yards away a blond hair on the husband’s jacket, but is completely blind to the garage door when parking.
In college, discussion in the dorm:
“Where are the tea leaves?”
“In the medicine cabinet, the jar with the label ‘Salt’”
If I drink alcohol, they tell me I am an alcoholic. But if I drink Fanta, nobody says I am fantastic!
The young girl comes home and the mother asks:
“Did you buy the bathing suit?”
“Yes, I bought 3 pieces.”
“3 pieces? What are those?”
“Hat, sunglasses and sandals.”
In the bank:
“I would like to open a joint account.”
“Who is the other person?”
“I don’t know. Someone who has some money.”
The family waits for the train to take them to the seaside and suddenly the husband says “Ahhh, I forgot about the piano …”. The wife, not understanding, asks “How in the world do you want to take a piano on vacation?”. The guy, unfazed, says “I don’t want to take the piano, but I put the train tickets on it!”