A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the woman behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, ‘PULL OVER!’
‘NO!’ the woman yelled back, ‘IT’S A SCARF!’
Wife to her husband:
“Don’t you think we should take the kids to the zoo this weekend?”
“Not really, whoever wants to see them can come visit us.”
From the deep fountain of wisdom of school papers. Rumor is these are real student answers:
Q: In what battle did Napoleon die? A: His last one.
Q: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? A: At the bottom of the page.
Q: The New River flows in which state? A: Liquid state.
Q: What is the main reason for divorce? A: Marriage.
Current society: if Jesus would perform the bread and fish miracle today He would probably be questioned: Has the fish been tested for mercury? I can’t eat that, I am vegan! Is the bread gluten free?
Little girl talks to her grandfather: “Did God make you, Grandpa?”
“Yes, God made me” the grandfather answered.
The little girl asked again “Did God make me, too?”
“Yes, He did,” the older man replied.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her little mind.
“You know, Grandpa,” she said, “God’s doing a lot better job, lately, isn’t he?”
Two lovers come out from the movie theater and embrace in the middle of the road. “Kiss me”, he says. “Here on the road?” she asks. “No, on my mouth!”
Why did the women’s football (soccer) have such a difficult time to get established? It was very difficult to convince 11 women to dress the same.
I assume you are familiar with 50 Cent, the famous rapper. He will now be known as 85 Cent to adjust for inflation.