Many people complain that when they drink coffee, they can’t sleep. With me it’s the other way around: when I sleep, I can’t drink coffee!
If you go to the hair salon you see hair on the floor. In a tailor shop, thread and pieces of fabric. If you go to the bank, nothing, even the pen they keep on a chain…
From an interview with the famous Cindy Crawford (model and actress):
“Not everyone can wake up looking like Cindy Crawford,”
Cindy responded, “Even I don’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford.”
They told me my blood sugar is too high and I need to cut the cookies. I cut them in quarters, no change. Doctors! Study for 10 years and know nothing.
They say love is more precious than money. Ha! I tried to pay at the supermarket with a kiss and the cashier called the police.
The wife calls her husband at work:
“Honey, I bought a Prada bag, some Dior shoes and a couple of Vera Wang blouses. What do you think?”
“Can you please call me in about 10 minutes, I can’t swear right now!”
In the store a guy asks the sales girl:
“Do you have underwear?”
“Sorry, no.”
“Not even for sale?”
“I heard you bought new tires for your car.”
“Yes, I did. Quite expensive, might I say.”
“And where did you get the money for them?”
“I sold the car.”
Having a teenage daughter is like having a cat who only comes home to eat and hisses whenever you want to pet her.
Scientists tell us the Universe is made out of electrons, neutrons and protons. They are wrong. The most frequent particles in the Universe are the morons.
The fact that jellyfish have survived for over 500 million years without having a brain is great news for many people.