From a kid’s school essay: “The woman is a being, which God left on earth in his image and likeness, although men prefer her in the image and likeness of Pamela Anderson.”
– What do you prefer, a smart woman, or a beautiful woman?
– Neither! You know you are my only love.
My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity; I had to say nobody suffered, they all seemed to enjoy it.
The husband and wife have an argument. It is one too many, because after that the wife calls her mother: “Mother, I again had a fight with him, I am coming to live with you”.
Mom answered: “No my dear, he has to pay for this. I am coming to live with you!”
A recent article in a local newspaper reported that a man, mr. X, is suing the local hospital because after his wife’s surgery she has lost all interest in having sex. The hospital answered: “Mrs. X was admitted for cataract surgery, all we did was correct her eyesight”.
Priest: “A day will come when you will pay for all your sins!”
“Rubbish, I’m already paying! Women and alcohol aren’t free you know…”
There is no such thing as “grumpy old men”. The truth is, as you age, you stop being polite and start being honest.
My wife thinks I don’t respect her privacy. I was shocked when I read this in her private diary.
Sign in front of a bar: “Technically, alcohol is a solution…”
I hate it when I see an old person, only to realize seconds later that we went to school together …
Girlfriend: ”You have never smiled at me since we started dating!”
Boyfriend: “You said you want a serious relationship!”
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When You Need A Break …