The artist exhibits his artwork:
“And here you have the image of the perfect woman!”
“But sir, she has no mouth!”
“I said “perfect”, didn’t I?”
At the doctor’s office:
“Do you drink?”
“Oh, thank you, yes, it’s not polite to refuse!”
The police stops a woman in a car:
“You are over 55!”
“No sir, I just did not have time to put on makeup this morning!”
My neighbor started knocking on my door last night at 3am in the morning. But I was not really angry since I was already up and learning to play the trumpet.
I was running through the park and a beautiful young lady asked me “Do you mind if I will run with you?” “Of course not”, I said, “the police are after you too?”
Husband: I can hardly wait to come home to you! I can’t wait to hug you, hold you in my arms and kiss you like in the movies. Say something!
Wife: Buy bread.
An American couple is driving through Canada and stops at a gas station. As the man goes into the station, his wife calls out to him, “ask them where we are!” So the husband walks in, pays and asks, “by the way, where are we?” To which the attendant answers, “Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.” The man goes back to his car and the wife asks, “what did he say?” “He doesn’t speak English” replies the husband.
Man walks into a pub in Dublin, and asks “am I too early for a drink”, the barman says “yes, it’s 10 minutes till opening time, you can wait over there though (points to a chair)”. The man says thanks and sits down, the barman then says “would you like a drink, while you’re waiting”.
I thought that after Christmas I will gain weight and my clothes will no longer fit. I was wrong. I tried the scarf today, it still fits perfectly. All is ok.
People say that wisdom comes with age. But it is my observation that most of the time age comes alone.