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Not Sewing? Then Laugh!

The advantage of being over 50 is that whatever you did in your youth, was before the internet so there is no proof.

Husband: Every time we argue you go and wash the toilet, then you are again calm. How come?
Wife: I use your toothbrush to wash it.

The biggest problem with the alarm clock is that it rings exactly when I sleep.

I heard your accountant stole your wife.
Yes. An idiot. He would have been much better off stealing my money.

My wife took all my money and left me!
You’re lucky. Mine took all my money and she’s still with me.

When I hear someone saying “Everything will be ok” I remember my father telling me “Come home I won’t punish you”.

Q: What is the difference between a man and a camel?
A: A camel can work one week without drinking, while a man can drink for a week without working.

“I have reached the conclusion that giving is much better than receiving.”
“So nice of you! Are you a philanthropist?”
“No, I am a boxer.”

If a man says he will fix something, he will. There is no need to remind him every six months!

A young boy was very carefully looking at his neighbor, a priest, while he was repairing his fence. The priest, intrigued, asked: “What are you looking so intensely at?” And the boy answered: “I want to see what a priest says when he hits his fingers with the hammer!”

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