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Not Sewing? Then Laugh!

All women want a new dress. But what they really want is for the one from 5 years ago to still fit!

The husband, all red, sweaty and tired while ironing shirts:
“Are you sure this is the iron regimen the doctor prescribed?”

In court:
“Do you know what you get for perjuring yourself?”
“Yes, they promised a Mercedes.”

Two women were arguing in a long-distance bus who can occupy the last free seat. The driver solved it: “The fat one should sit down”. Neither sat.

These are actual clippings from church newspapers.

  • “The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals”.
  • “Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.”
  • The Sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on Water”. The Sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus”.
  • Don’t let worry kill you – let the Church help.
  • At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
  • Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
  • The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
  • Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.
  • Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double doors at the side entrance.
  • The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday; “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”

John and Paul are having a beer on the porch and suddenly John says
“Paul, do you think it’s normal for me to cook, wash dishes, change diapers?”
Paul, surprised, asks
“Ok, but where is your wife when you do all that?”
“She changed the oil in the car then cut the grass”.

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