An old man has hearing problems, goes to the doctor, and gets a hearing aid. After a month, he returns for a check-up.
“Your hearing with the device is perfect. I think the family is very glad.”
“I haven’t told them yet, I’m waiting. I have changed my will three times so far…”
A young family.
“If the food is not ready in a few minutes, I’ll get dressed and go to the restaurant.”
“Wait another ten minutes, please.”
“Why? Is the food ready?”
“No, I’m getting dressed and I’m coming with you.”
Two friends are talking:
“It’s getting dark, it’s going to rain! What am I going to do, my wife is out shopping!”
“Don’t worry, she will find shelter somewhere, at a mall, or a store.”
“That’s exactly what I am afraid of!”
– Doctor, can I eat smoked sausage?
– No, smoked sausages are very heavy.
– It’s ok, I’ll hold them with both hands.
Is there freedom of speech in Russia?
Yes, of course there is.
So what’s the difference between Russia and the West?
In the West there’s freedom after speech too.
Men have feelings too, you know. Now for example I feel like drinking a beer.
Did you notice that when you spill hot coffee on your blouse, you lose your sleepiness much faster than when you drink the coffee?
Deep thought: “I would like to be filthy rich! For the moment I am just filthy.”
It is well known that men go to the pub for one of the two main reasons: 1. They are not married. 2. They are married.