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Not Sewing? Then Laugh!

Honey,” said the husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”
“What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!”
“I know all that.”
“Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”
“Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”

“Why isn’t Mike at work today?”
“He’s in the hospital.”
“But I saw him last night dancing with a pretty girl at the bar!”
“Yeah. His wife saw him too.”

“Professor, I don’t understand the theory of relativity.”
“Okay. Tell me, 3 hairs, are they too many or too few?”
“Too few!”
“That’s right, on the head, but if they’re in the soup?”

In the train station, a woman goes to the Information desk:
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course, we are an information desk!”
“Does my dress look good?”

“You look very tired!”
“Work, work, work from morning to night, every day.”
“Since when?”
“I start the day after tomorrow …”

Two friends talking:
“I want some wallpaper for my living room; it is the same size as yours, how many rolls did you buy?”
“20”
Next week:
“I bought 20 rolls, but I only used 15!”
“Me too…”

What is your birthday?
June 21st.
What year?
Every year.

During the divorce proceedings:
“How many times did you cheat on your wife?”
“Your honor, I came here to divorce, not to brag!”

“Honey, what have you been doing for so long in the kitchen?”
“I dropped an ice cube in the soup and I can’t find it anymore!”

I forgive you for leaving me for another woman, but I can’t forgive you for coming back!

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