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Clean and Funny Jokes to Stitch Your Day With Smiles

Math is simple: if the husband has $100 and the wife $400, it means she can spend $500.

Let the kids believe in Santa Claus and Tooth Fairy! All women believe in miracle drugs for burning fat and nobody tells them they don’t exists!

– Tell me please, what is your dream job?
– In my dreams, I don’t work!

Two girlfriends talking:
– Oh, you lost a lot of weight! What happened?
– I am very stressed, my husband argues with me all the time.
– This can’t go on, why don’t you leave him?
– I need to lose 10 more pounds!

Two guys talking:
– I have a pet now, a skunk.
– And where does he sleep?
– Near my bed, at my feet.
– And it doesn’t smell?
– Well yeah, but I guess he’s gonna get used to it.

Husband asks and the wife answers:
– What do we have for lunch?
– IKEA sandwich.
– What do you mean?
– Everything necessary is in the fridge, assembly required.

The husband comes home from fishing and talks to his wife:
– Today I didn’t catch any fish!
– I know, you left your wallet at home!

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