The husband is watching a game on TV and the wife is in the kitchen. At some point he hears her:
“My dear, what would you like for supper? Fish, chicken or veal?“
The husband answers immediately
“Chicken, please“
“You have yesterday’s pizza, I was talking to the cat!“.
After the Thanksgiving dinner, the husband says to his wife:
“I would like to go somewhere I have never been, and do something I’ve never done”.
“Then go to the kitchen and wash the dishes”, says the wife.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Did you ever wake up, kiss the person besides you, and feel glad that you are alive? I just did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again …
The man who knows your birthday, congratulates you, knows what you like, who your friends are, where you go – he is not your lover. He is Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook creator).
My husband ran away with my best friend. Gee, I miss her …
A teenager girl brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.Later, the girl’s mom says
“Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
Daughter: Mom, you should be so proud of me! I bought everything on sale and I saved over $20!
Mother: How much did you spend?
Daughter: $500
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When You Need A Break …