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Clean and Funny Jokes to Stitch Your Day With Smiles

A painter sees a guy guarding his sheep on a farm.
“May I paint your sheep?” asks the painter.
“No”, answers the farmer. “I would prefer them with their natural color.”

I keep a diet for three weeks to lose weight. And how much did I lose until now? Two weeks.

John found out what happiness is after he got married, but it was already too late.

Father to daughter: Find me please that old newspaper!
Daughter: Papa, nobody reads newspapers anymore, everything is online, here is my iPhone!
Father: Ok, then take your iPhone and smack that big hairy spider on the wall, your mother is afraid of it!

Joe has all kinds of pain and goes to the doctor.
Doctor: “Joe, where does it hurt the worst?”
Joe: “At work, sir, at work!”

My wife just emailed me asking if we had any moving boxes. I told her no… All of our boxes are still. That’s why we purchased them from a stationery store.

If you want to know exactly where the property line is, just watch the neighbor cut the grass.

– Houses today don’t have enough wardrobe space.
– Sure they do. They’re just called guest bedrooms.

A man’s home is his castle. That’s just how it seems when he pays taxes on it.

The father talks to his son:
Son, allow me to offer my warmest congratulations. I’m certain you’ll remember today as the happiest in your life“.
Thanks, Dad. But the wedding’s tomorrow!
I know, son, I know.

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