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Clean and Funny Jokes to Stitch Your Day With Smiles

A young boy talks to his mother:
“Mom, I want my bedroom decorated like my classroom.”
“Ok son, but why?”
“To fall asleep faster…”

My brain is like the Bermuda Triangle. The information goes in, and nobody can ever retrieve it.

A thief is caught and brought to trial for stealing a load of wine bottles. The judge asks:
– What did you do with the wine?
– Half, I drank. Half, I sold.
– And what did you do with the money?
– I bought wine.

A guy goes to the auto service with his car and immediately upon entering the shop the mechanic says:
– Your belt is broken.
– Yes, but how did you know immediately?
– Your pants are falling off.

At the pharmacy:
– Good morning! Do you have anything against cough?
– No, you may cough all you want.

One guy clears his driveway of snow in a terrible cold. His neighbor asks him
“Why don’t you at least wear a hat, to cover your ears in this wind?”
“Since the accident, I will not wear hats anymore.”
“Accident” What accident?”
“I was offered a Scotch and I did not hear”

My husband had a car accident with a guy who at that time was on the phone and drinking a beer. The police said that my husband is still at fault, the guy can do whatever he wants in his living room.

Discussion in school:
“You told us yesterday that the water is colorless, odorless and tasteless, but it is definitely not true. I put water in my father’s beer and he noticed immediately”.

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