Modern relationships:
– Where are you?!?
– Home, my dear. I’m home.
– I don’t believe you. Send me an image with your wife.
A doctor and an engineer were in love with the same girl.
– I give her flowers every day and I tell her I love her! says the doctor.
– I give her an apple every day, says the engineer. An apple a day, keeps the doctor away.
Today I met my wife to go and file for a divorce. We did not make it. We started arguing on the way.
Daughter washing dishes:
– Mom, where’s the sponge?
– In the living room, drinks beer.
Husband and wife in bed, sleeping. Phone rings.
“If it’s for me, I am not home”, says the husband.
Wife answers, listens and says: “He’s home”.
“I told you to say I’m not home!”, says the upset husband.
“It was for me”, says the wife.
Policeman to the biker:
– Stop, you don’t have lights, no helmet, nothing!
– Go away, I don’t have brakes either!
The policeman to the young woman:
– This is not acceptable, this is the fifth accident this week!
– How many am I allowed then?
Doctor: I don’t like how you look!
Patient: Come on, you are not a beauty yourself!
– Why did you run out of the operating room before the operation?
– Because the nurse kept saying “don’t be afraid, it’s a simple procedure”!
– And? Didn’t you calm down?
– She was talking to the doctor!
I get upset when I meet old people who were my high school colleagues …