A New York attorney called his client, a wealthy art collector: “Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.”
The art collector replied, “You know, I’ve had an awful day, Jack, so let’s hear the good news first.”
“Well, I met with your wife today,” the lawyer said, “and she informed me that she has invested only $5,000 in two very nice pictures that she thinks will bring somewhere between $15 and $20 million … and I think she could be right.”
“Holy cow! Well done!” Saul replied enthusiastically. “My wife is a brilliant business woman, isn’t she? You’ve just made my day. Now, I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?”
“The pictures are of you and your secretary.”
“Theory” is when we know everything but things don’t work nevertheless.
“Practice” is when everything works but we have no idea why.
Sometimes, however, we need to combine the two because sometimes nothing works and we have no idea why.
“What’s the dumbest thing you did as a kid?”
“Wish I were an adult.”
Internet love: I’m meeting my virtual girlfriend tomorrow. I have 24 hours to lose 25 pounds, get a divorce and become a doctor.
I am Wonder Woman! I wonder where I left my keys, I wonder where I left my purse, I wonder where the money went.
Some people age and become wiser. Others just age.
Before going to sleep I got a text from a friend. “Do you need firewood?”. I answered I don’t need any. In the morning all my firewood was gone.
Modern friends:
“You are so weird! I am telling you for the fifth time, I will not come Saturday to your cat’s birthday! My dog gets married on that day.”
We will use chess to explain the difference between a man and a woman. The king, for example, moves only one square, while the queen can go anywhere she wants.
If 2×5=10, and 5×2=10, then if I like you, how come you don’t like me?